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April 27, 2016

Three politicians in a Bombay local train

Filed under: bombay, democracy, governance, India, jaago rey, politics — neosurya @ 17:42

Three politicians got into a fast local as it was pulling out of Kalyan headed towards CST: Left, right, and Congressi.
Stop 1. Kalyan: Hardly any people sitting on the seats, mostly empty train.
Left:   This is an abomination. In the name of development, the Govt has stolen land from farmers to build useless trains.
Right:    Can we sell the empty seats to Reliance?
Congressi: All hail Indira. The train should stop at minority railway stations like Thakurli, Diwa etc.
Common man: Will this train reach on time?
Stop 2. Thane: All seats had been taken.
Left: What about the poor farmers outside Bombay? These trains have never created any benefit for the poor people outside Bombay.
Right: Can we sell the standing place to Reliance?
Congressi: All hail Rajeev. What do you mean the train is fast? How do the other stations develop?
Common man: Will this train reach on time?
Stop 3. Ghatkopar: There are four people sitting on each bench that is meant for three. More than 50% of the standing space has been taken up.
Left: This is a class struggle !!! How can the trains have seats for only three people when clearly the public demand is for four seats.
Right: Can we remove the seats completely, and sell them to Adani?
Congressi: All hail Sonia. We have to protect the interests of minorities in Ghatkopar. They rarely get a window seat. There must be reservation and special law for all stations after Thane.
Common man: Will this train reach on time?
Stop4. Kurla: All the standing space is taken up.
Left: This is clearly the time for revolution !!! Farmers and villagers have spilled their blood for the train, now they have no space left.
Right: This train is not serving the purpose. Let us invite consultants from private sector to build a new train.
Congressi: All hail Rahul. Rahul baba will come to supervise the conditions of trains. He will connect with the youth and the marginalized.
Common man: Will this train reach on time?
Stop 5. Dadar: There is no place in the compartment. People hanging for dear life from outside the train.
Left: We have to open the eyes of the world to see this oppression !!! We will write editorials and documentaries about the unjust Indian society, culture and history that has lead to this sad state of affiars.
Right: We will build a bullet train from Kalyan to CST, covering this distance in 10 minutes. There will be no crowds, and it will not stop at any of the pesky stations on the way. It will cost 6000 crores which will be repaid over the next 50 years.
Congressi: We have convened a national convention that has recommended common minimum seat demand. Accordingly, we will have a high power commission that will commission separate trains for each station. There will be reservations for each station on each train. There will be separate ticket collectors for passengers from each station.
Common man: Will this train reach on time?


Last stop. Between Dadar and CST: There is a blast in one of the compartment.
Left: This violence is the expression of people supressed by fascist, regressive policies. We stand in solidarity.
Right: Attack Pakistan. Enter Burma.
Congressi: We realize your pain. Gandhi family also made a huge sacrifice for the nation.
Common man: Will I get to work and return to my family after work? Can someone please kill these three politicians?


Distance between Kalyan and CST is about 70 Kms. There are about 25 stations between Kalyan and CST. The fast local trains in Bombay stop at about 6 of them. Slow trains stop at all stations. People from all religions and walks of life travel in complete peace and harmony. A banker rubs shoulders with a dabbawala, and a student all in the same compartment. There are rarely any fights, and certainly not for seats.

Kanhaiya Kumar spoke about “fights” for seats in the local trains of Bombay. I grew up in the lovely city, went to school and college. I travelled in these trains and BEST buses for a major part. Politicians like Kanhaiya can only fabricate divisive issues. It is a sad state of affairs that the common man gets crushed between these selfish interests.The media routinely replay words from these politicians. Who will replay the true emotions of people?

April 16, 2015

Awesome money spinning methods or Skimming of customers

Filed under: India, law, market, personal, social change — neosurya @ 12:00

Interesting call with my mobile phone service provider:

Me: I got this internet usage bill for Rs 700 for March and Rs 300 for Feb. What is this?

Rep: Sir, 2G internet usage sir.

Me: I use a Nokia 1616, it cannot have internet usage. —- For the new-gen folks who have only seen smartphones, this phone has buttons, 255-colors screen, you get the drift —-

Rep: Yes sir, my system shows you are using Nokia 1616 as we speak. But sir data is switched on in the phone.

Me: How can a Nokia 1616 use 400 MB of data?

Rep: I dont know sir. Maybe some app is running.

Me: Look, can you please disable 2G service on this connection?

Rep: No sir, 2G comes free with every mobile phone connection.

Me: Dude, Rs 700 a month is not free. And you tell me you will not switch it off?

Rep: You will have to move to a different service provider. Our company will by default provide you with 2G enabled connection only. — In other words, we paid a lot of money to TRAI to license this shit. Money has to be recovered from somehwhere. —

Me: OK. — Facepalm —

Rep: For the charges, you will have to visit our store. — A polite way of saying, You will have to go there and shout —

Me: OK. Thanks.

—————————————End of call————————————-

One of my friends used to work for a leading mobile service provider. One strategy to get more money was to call unsuspecting customers to install ring-tones, or other “value added services”, but not inform them that these services would have a costly monthly subscription, or that these services would be delivered over 2G. Maybe we fell prey to one such scheme. Maybe there was indeed some app on the phone that is accessing data. I dont know.

I did not like the business practice of cashing in on users not being able to switch off services. But, a lot of modern services run that way. Individuals who create such plans and schemes also make the most amount of money in corporate orgs. Of course, technical people make money. But it is peanuts compared to the money made by such planners.

Makes me retch. But who knows how I would behave if I wanted to buy the good things money can get, and I had only an MBA and a sales job to get me there?

September 2, 2013

New Austerity measure: Govt to shutdown Govt between 8:00 AM and 8:00 PM

Filed under: India — Tags: , , — neosurya @ 11:44

In a new austerity measure, the Govt declared that all Govt departments would be shut down between 8:00 AM and 8:00 PM. This closely follows an announcement by the petroleum ministry to close petrol bunks during night times [1]. The department of personnel and training (DoPT), which will be responsible for implementing this measure refused to either accept or reject this measure. One highly placed anonymous official suggested that it was being seriously considered and quoted: “Many people in the department believe that this is indeed a great step. As it is, we do not have very much to do, what with the frequent political interference in our work.”.

We were able to get a sound byte from a political representative: “A brilliant idea by the leadership. This will also solve the corruption problem permanently. It will also let us focus on the more important duty of chamchaagiri.”. The opposition quipped: “This is wholesale fraud by the Govt. It is our God given duty to disrupt the Govt proceedings, and make it impossible for the parliament to do anything. This is a conspiracy by the Govt to take away our rights. We will protest by conducting a walkout of the remaining parliamentary sessions.”.

A recently recruited junior Govt staff was asked if the decision effected him: “No problem. A few colleagues and I are planning resign service and do a startup. We are calling it “Fuel Fill”. Private sector employees will be working between 8:00 AM and 8:00 PM, and will have difficulty filling petrol. Our staff will go around with 30 and 40 liter cans to fill petrol from bunks. Those who want fuel after hours can get it from us.”.

Our representatives hit the street and decided to have a live call with “common men” from the four corners of the country.

Mr Mehta from Mumbai: “Ye commodity market ke liye accha time hai. Pyaaz Rs 80 ho gayaa hai. Futures market me aag lagi hai. Govt gayi tel lene. Chal bhai, Dahisar kaa 8:18 nikal rahaa hai. Late huaa to boss bom maregaa.”

Translation: This is a great time to be in the commodities market. Onion is Rs 80 a kilo. Futures market will be set ablaze with this announcement.  Govt has gone to get fuel . To *ell with the Govt. Ok dude, I got to go. If I miss the 8:18 local train from Dahisar, the boss will shout at me.

Mr Chaudhuri from Kolkata: “Amor jaaani… Yes sab maoists ki mili bhaati ho. The true revolution will come. Didi will get justice for all.”

Translation: I/We know, the Maoists are behind all this.

A Bengaloorian over the phone: “Mr Reddy, erada taannu steel aaktivaa? Ido Yelahankaa nalli new development project sigtaayide….”

Translation: (Mr Reddy, can you get me two tons of steel rebar; there is a new development here at yelhanka. Our anchor interrupts him about the Govt shutdown.

A Bengaloorian (Turns towards camera): “Yaavude kashta illa. Everything taken care of. No Govt. No problem.”

Someone strolling the malls in Gurgaon: “Abe thand rakh. Diesel generator daa power, Private guard daa body guard, Appolo daa hospital. Itthe gal hui to Mama in UK”.

Translation: Take it easy dude. We have power from Diesel generator, private security guards, Appolo hospital, and if things get too bad, my maternal uncle is in UK and we can all go there.

====================== End of story ========================

The above is satire, and like all satire, it is also not true. But if you do realize the problems we are facing, and if you want to change something, please consider joining politics and cleaning it up: AAP or Sone Ki Chidiya.

August 30, 2013

Officers Demand Payment in Dollars and Onions

Filed under: India — Tags: , , , — neosurya @ 04:20

Given the uncertain future of our currency, officers are now suggesting that payments for services rendered be made in dollars or in kind. One source familiar with the traffic police quoted: “With the rapid slide in the Rupee, amounts collected in the morning dropped in value by afternoon. We cannot demand one rate in the morning and another in the evening. We are open to payment in kind – e.g.  two kilos of tomatoes for a red light, and about 4 kilos of onions for a fender-bender.”. The official insisted that payments against a challan still had to be made using Rupees, though he sees fewer people carrying the currency these days.


Departments that handed larger payments ruled out the possibility of payment by kind and insisted that the new mode is payment by dollars. A revenue official we spoke to insisted: “If we accept in kind payments, a small truck would be needed at minimum to lug around the proceeds. That would not be very discrete. A significant percentage of our customers are NRIs anyhow, or have some expatriate links. By accepting payments in their home currency, we are also customer-friendly. We do accept in kind payment for smaller matters like the EC.” A sliver of officials were seen with bags of onions, spinach, and tomatoes, but it was not sure if this was payment made by citizen, or purchase from the local store. One official beamed: “Collecting in kind means that a trip to the local market could be skipped. Wife is happy since we are home a bit early. This also makes it difficult for the anti corruption folks to lay traps.”.

One of our correspondent met with the ACB to investigate if the department was aware of the new payment modes. We found that the department was not only aware of the challenge, but had already come up with solutions. An official quoted: “In order to trap corrupt officials, we have worked with leading research labs to bring out tainted vegetables, dal, pulses, and grain. See, these are not the original product, but they look very much original. The modus-operandi is that the citizen shall pay the concerned official with the tainted dal, grain or pulses. We shall nab him because only the Govt can supply fake Dal that cannot be consumed.” We are planning to suggest that the FCI use these to implement the food bill on the ground. Now, this is one great collaboration between departments.


The above article is a satire, and must not be taken seriously. Corruption is a serious problem, and one of the contributing factors to the mess we are in.

November 15, 2010

Wonderful one-liner: China, Tibet and Jammu in one line… equals trouble…

Filed under: India — neosurya @ 19:31

Apparently, on Nov 15th 2010 [1, 2]:

“Our minister (Krishna) referred to the need to show mutual sensitivity and that the Chinese side needs to be sensitive to our concerns in J&K like India has been sensitive to Chinese concerns on Taiwan and Tibet.”

There are other news reports that do not mention this statement at all [1], and it was only Nirupama Rao’s words. But even then, it is a patently stupid thing to say. I so much wish no one from our diplomatic setup had said this. Give the Chinese a foot, and they will encroach no less than a mile. I am reminded of another Krishna who made much worse mistakes in the 1960s – Krishna Menon, one of the many reasons responsible for our military and diplomatic debacle against the Chinese.

October 26, 2010

India After Gandhi – Ramachandra Guha

Filed under: book, election, India, politics, social change — Tags: , , — neosurya @ 06:32

A must read for anyone remotely interested in Indian democracy. Guha does not go left, right, center, or anywhere else except trudge along the path of Indian democracy from 1947 all the way up-to 2000 (The date the book was published). Where the events demanded, he also went a little bit before 1947, for example to explain how the Lahore convention of the Congress was where the Muslim League was born. The references make for more interesting reading, but I followed up only a few of them.

Some reviewers say that the book should have had some analysis of events. But this book was meant to have a historical or journalistic flavor, and getting into an analysis mode is incredibly academic in nature. Most books out there wax eloquent on their preferred political leanings. Once Indian historians start writing an analysis, they end up making holier-than-thou statements. The reader is hopelessly lead into a particular view point, and the event itself is lost in the melee. Very few tell the story as it happened, and in words that the common man can understand. Guha rises up to the occasion in this book.

The book reads fast, and I could not put it down once I had picked it up. This may not be the book for individuals seasoned in contemporary Indian history. They may already be familiar with most its contents. However, this would be the book I shall recommend my daughter to read instead of the history textbooks that muddle our brain cells in school.

October 1, 2010

Please extend the SMS ban.

Filed under: India, news — neosurya @ 09:11

22nd Sept – More than 30 SMS messages on my phone “The best deals in town” “Dinner for two at Rs 150” “Incredibly cheap homes only 26 lakhs (in the middle of  nowhere)” “Problems with your boss, wife, girlfriend? Call ABCD” “Get masala girls for cheap” WTF.

23rd Sept – Two messages. (The Govt. had banned Bulk SMS messages ahead of the Ayodhya verdict [1])

24th Sept – Two messages.

25th Sept – Two messages.

and so on….


30th Sept – Two messages.

The verdict is out [1, 2]; most cities seem calm [1, 2]. It seems like the SMS ban will now be removed, and I will have to contend with the regular stream of people trying to sell me masti, Desi girls, food, and everything else under the sun. This is my humble request to the powers-that-be to restore the ban.

I know it wont be heard though :-/.

September 23, 2010

The Commonwealth dRain…

Filed under: common man, democracy, India, politics, social change — Tags: , — neosurya @ 09:56

A few days down the line, we would have headlines that say – India is largest Gold medal winner at the commonwealth games. Guess why??? None of the leading athletes from other countries would attend, that is why. Several top athletes have pulled out of the games – some citing health reasons, some security, and still others – “personal causes”. These are but euphemisms to hide the true cause: (i) Unscrupulous contractors have used this event as a money making mechanism. True, media may have blown some of the problems, but we have to admit that there is no guarantee of good construction. The main Stadium, Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium had been constructed in 1982. Most of the costs have been toward renovation. Renovation can be expensive, but not Rs 70,000 crores. (ii) Delhi has become an unplanned mess, with the local populace considering the event not as something to be proud of, but as another Government activity that they have to bear. This event could have been held at a place like Bhopal, or Nagpur, or some other town that needed infrastructure. (iii) There is likely to be little audience for the event. Maybe the Govt. could bring in truck loads of people promising them biriyani and a packet of hoonch like they do for the elections. Some of these “common” people could even participate in a game or two – maybe high jump, to leave the stadia and run from the boredom. (iv) Organizing machinery that exudes absolutely no confidence to attendees [1].

Civil servants in charge of the event may be able to pull off a magic trick or two. But people of calibre, like top athletes rarely not put their trust in magic tricks. They trust planning and strategy. The only people adopting strategy seem to be contractors who have come up with methods to fleece tax payers. About Rs 70,000 seems to have been spent on the games [1, 2], while the original budget seems to have been for Rs 11,494 crores [1]. The games had been awarded seven years ago[1, 2]; there was no need to have delayed construction for so long. Even the smallest component could have been finished well in advance.

Like in a dark, paradoxical comedy, a saving grace could be that  Dilli has floods, and the Yamuna is a meter above the flood level. The Jawaharlal Nehru stadium is about 2 Kms from the Yamuna (View map here). It is also the stadium that would host the commonwealth games, if they happen that is. Officials behind the commonwealth games can now blame a likely sham on the Gods.

A list of athletes who pulled out: Australia: Stephanie Rice, Dani Samuels. Kenya: David Rudisha, Edwin Soi, Asbel Kiprop, Linet Masai. Jamaica: Usain Bolt, Asafa Powell. England: Andy Murray, Lisa Dobriskey [1, 2]. Some of these withdrawals are due to injuries.

October 15, 2009

Feels wierd…

Bt Brijal was given an approval for commercial cultivation in India [1, 2, 3].I did my bit by sending a fax about this, and am consciously trying to do my bit by doing other things, and writing about them.Interestingly, the Govt body employed to be in charge of genetic products has been called “Genetic Engineering Approval Committee”. It’s URL has a one line explanation about its’ role. I am curious as to why this body is called the “approval committee” as opposed to “regulatory committee” or something else. Guess the underlying assumption is that somehow GE is already going to be approved and, once it is approved there would be little there to be regulated.  Incidentally, all the safety reports related to Bt Brinjal were from the company Mahyco itself (URL).

But this is not the only thing I am feeling wierd about…

China is pretty pissed that our PM visited Arunachal Pradesh [1,2], and our media did give a whimper of response [1]. China had sometime back also started issuing visas to J&K/Arunachal residents on a piece of paper, as opposed to stamping them on the Indian passport [1]. China’s attitude reminds me of a distant cousin who used to resort to cheap tricks in order to make me look bad in front of parents.

I believe that India can be very strong when it comes to things like these. But my belief aint good enough, a billion other folks need to share the belief. Ahem… well, a few among the billions would be OK.

September 17, 2009

India’s security council seat was given up.

Filed under: India, politics, Uncategorized — neosurya @ 07:24

Just learnt that India was once offered a  seat in the UN Security Council way back in 1955, but rejected it. There may have been a lot of arm-twisting by existing powers at that time for us to give it up. But even then. giving it up was a sad strategic decision. I read about it in the Business Line, in an article titled “UN reforms — a fading mirage?” on Sept 16th 2009, Full article URL; excerpt below:

Ironically, around 1955, Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru was offered the disputed Chinese Permanent Security Council seat by the US to keep out the People’s Republic of China, and he also was sounded out by the USSR Prime Minister, Nikolai Bulganin, to allow China to take this seat while giving India a sixth permanent seat in the Security Council. Nehru rejected this offer in deference to China. History may have been different if this offer had been subjected to serious negotiations. Now, 54 years later, we are struggling for this seat.

Update on October 26 2009:

It appears that all was not so bad. I did think that there must have been some big time arm twisting. And, the Sept 16th 2009 article in Business line seems to be doing bad reporting. There are other takes on Nehru’ stance; Excerpt from an article in the Hindu:

Nehru showed sound judgment in rejecting it and in refusing to walk into the trap. It would have earned India the lasting hostility of China, contempt of the nations of the Third World and of the United States too, conceited, albeit, with perfect discretion; and eventually, a resounding snub from the Soviet Union. India would not, indeed could not, have got the seat; only the odium for immaturity and opportunism.


“Regarding your suggestion about the four power conference we would take appropriate action. While we are discussing the general international situation and reducing tension, we propose suggesting at a later stage India’s inclusion as the sixth member of the Security Council.

JN: Perhaps Bulganin knows that some people in USA have suggested that India should replace China in the Security Council. This is to create trouble between us and China. We are, of course, wholly opposed to it. Further, we are opposed to pushing ourselves forward to occupy certain positions because that may itself create difficulties and India might itself become a subject to controversy. If India is to be admitted to the Security Council, it raises the question of the revision of the Charter of the U.N. We feel that this should not be done till the question of China’s admission and possibly of others is first solved. I feel that we should first concentrate on getting China admitted. What is Bulganin’s opinion about the revision of the Charter? In our opinion this does not seem to be an appropriate time for it.

Bulganin: We proposed the question of India’s membership of the Security Council to get your views, but agree that this is not the time for it and it will have to wait for the right moment later on. We also agree that things should be taken one by one (page 231; emphasis added, throughout).

Bulganin did not make an “offer”. He threw a feeler to test India. He himself recognised that “this is not the time for it”. Had Nehru jumped at the bait, he would have courted certain disappointment before long.

Later, in a Note on his tour of the USSR and other countries, dated August 1, 1955, Nehru wrote: “Informally, suggestions have been made by the United States that China should be taken into the United Nations but not in the Security Council and that India should take her place in the Security Council. We cannot of course accept this as it means falling out with China and it would be very unfair for a great country like China not to be in the Security Council. We have, therefore, made it clear to those who suggested this that we cannot agree to this suggestion. We have even gone a little further and said that India is not anxious to enter the Security Council at this stage, even though as a great country she ought to be there. The first step to be taken is for China to take her rightful place and then the question of India might be considered separately” (page 303).

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