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September 2, 2013

New Austerity measure: Govt to shutdown Govt between 8:00 AM and 8:00 PM

Filed under: India — Tags: , , — neosurya @ 11:44

In a new austerity measure, the Govt declared that all Govt departments would be shut down between 8:00 AM and 8:00 PM. This closely follows an announcement by the petroleum ministry to close petrol bunks during night times [1]. The department of personnel and training (DoPT), which will be responsible for implementing this measure refused to either accept or reject this measure. One highly placed anonymous official suggested that it was being seriously considered and quoted: “Many people in the department believe that this is indeed a great step. As it is, we do not have very much to do, what with the frequent political interference in our work.”.

We were able to get a sound byte from a political representative: “A brilliant idea by the leadership. This will also solve the corruption problem permanently. It will also let us focus on the more important duty of chamchaagiri.”. The opposition quipped: “This is wholesale fraud by the Govt. It is our God given duty to disrupt the Govt proceedings, and make it impossible for the parliament to do anything. This is a conspiracy by the Govt to take away our rights. We will protest by conducting a walkout of the remaining parliamentary sessions.”.

A recently recruited junior Govt staff was asked if the decision effected him: “No problem. A few colleagues and I are planning resign service and do a startup. We are calling it “Fuel Fill”. Private sector employees will be working between 8:00 AM and 8:00 PM, and will have difficulty filling petrol. Our staff will go around with 30 and 40 liter cans to fill petrol from bunks. Those who want fuel after hours can get it from us.”.

Our representatives hit the street and decided to have a live call with “common men” from the four corners of the country.

Mr Mehta from Mumbai: “Ye commodity market ke liye accha time hai. Pyaaz Rs 80 ho gayaa hai. Futures market me aag lagi hai. Govt gayi tel lene. Chal bhai, Dahisar kaa 8:18 nikal rahaa hai. Late huaa to boss bom maregaa.”

Translation: This is a great time to be in the commodities market. Onion is Rs 80 a kilo. Futures market will be set ablaze with this announcement.  Govt has gone to get fuel . To *ell with the Govt. Ok dude, I got to go. If I miss the 8:18 local train from Dahisar, the boss will shout at me.

Mr Chaudhuri from Kolkata: “Amor jaaani… Yes sab maoists ki mili bhaati ho. The true revolution will come. Didi will get justice for all.”

Translation: I/We know, the Maoists are behind all this.

A Bengaloorian over the phone: “Mr Reddy, erada taannu steel aaktivaa? Ido Yelahankaa nalli new development project sigtaayide….”

Translation: (Mr Reddy, can you get me two tons of steel rebar; there is a new development here at yelhanka. Our anchor interrupts him about the Govt shutdown.

A Bengaloorian (Turns towards camera): “Yaavude kashta illa. Everything taken care of. No Govt. No problem.”

Someone strolling the malls in Gurgaon: “Abe thand rakh. Diesel generator daa power, Private guard daa body guard, Appolo daa hospital. Itthe gal hui to Mama in UK”.

Translation: Take it easy dude. We have power from Diesel generator, private security guards, Appolo hospital, and if things get too bad, my maternal uncle is in UK and we can all go there.

====================== End of story ========================

The above is satire, and like all satire, it is also not true. But if you do realize the problems we are facing, and if you want to change something, please consider joining politics and cleaning it up: AAP or Sone Ki Chidiya.

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